


Peter Parker Created a Group Chat

by whatdoicallthis



Series: Peter Parker :) [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers group chat, Domestic Avengers, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24649615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatdoicallthis/pseuds/whatdoicallthis
Summary: Peter creates an Avengers group chat. Rated T for language.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Peter Parker, Clint Barton & Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Sam Wilson, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Thor, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Series: Peter Parker :) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985630
Comments: 8
Kudos: 307





	1. This is for Rachel

_**4:02 PM** _

**Peter Parker created a group chat**

**Peter Parker changed the name to "The Avengers"**

**Peter Parker changed their name to "Spidey"**

**Spidey added Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Bruce Banner, Thor, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, Rhodey, Bucky Barnes, Wanda Maximoff, Vision, Sam Wilson, T'Challa, and Shuri to the chat**

**Spidey:** hey everyone

**Rhodey is online**

**Rhodey left the chat**

**Spidey added Rhodey to the chat**

**Rhodey left the chat**

**Spidey added Rhodey to the chat**

**Rhodey:** I am never getting out of this, am I?

**Spidey:** nope

**Rhodey is offline**

**Tony is online**

**Shuri is online**

**Tony:** Peter, what?

**Shuri:** ew grammar

**Shuri:** peter can i change my name

**Spidey:** go ahead

**Shuri changed their name to "memeqween42069"**

**Steve is online**

**Steve:** I'm pretty sure you spelled "queen" wrong, Shuri.

**memeqween42069:** ew grammar

**memeqween42069:** and no i didnt i did that on purpose

**memeqween42069 changed T'Challa's name to "furry"**

**Spidey:** I SPAT OUT MY DRINK

**furry is online**

**furry:** Sister, what is this?

**Tony:** Can I leave?

**Spidey:** no

**memeqween42069:** no

**Tony:** I'm pretty sure Bruce already muted this chat.

**Thor is online**

**Thor:** HELLO MIDGUARDIANS

**Tony:** Oh God.

**Thor:** IT IS I, THOR, SON OF ODIN!

**Spidey:** hi mr thor sir

**Thor:** HELLO MAN OF SPIDERS!

**Tony:** Thor, for the love of God, please turn off the caps lock.

**Thor:** WHAT IS CAPS LOCK

**Tony:** Press the button with the arrow on it.

**Thor:** Ah, yes. Thank you, Man of Iron!

**Bucky is online**

**Bucky:** this is for rachel you big fat white nasty smelling fat bitch. why you took me off the motherfucking schedule with your trifling dirty white racist ass big fat bitch and maluma body ass bitch

**memeqween42069:** AHAHAHAHAHAAHAJDFGDJSFG IM DYING

**Steve:** Bucky, what is going on?

**Bucky:** idk peter told me to say that

**Spidey:** im coming up there and im going to beat the fuck out of you bitch

**Steve:** Peter, you should not be using such foul language.

**Spidey changed Steve Rogers's name to "Iced Americano"**

**Iced Americano:** I don't understand.

**memeqween42069:** it's a type of coffee

**Spidey:** how did you take down captain america

**Natasha is online**

**Clint is online**

**Natasha:** we shot him in the legs because his shield is the size of a dinner plate and he's an idiot

**Spidey:** AHDSGFLJSDGJKADSGFJG

**Spidey:** BLACK WIDOW KNOWS VINES?!

**Natasha:** i spend way too much time around clint's kids

**Clint:** she spends more time with my kids than she does with me

**Natasha:** that is because your kids are angels and you are an asshole

**Clint:** ouch

**Spidey changed Clint Barton's name to "birb"**

**birb:** birb

**Spidey changed Sam Wilson's name to "birb2"**

**birb2 is online**

**birb2:** why the fuck am i birb2

**birb2:** why don't i get a more creative name than that

**Tony:** Language!

**Natasha:** language!

**birb:** language!

**Bucky:** language!

**Spidey:** language!

**Thor:** Language!

**Iced Americano:** Oh, come on, guys! It was one time!  
 **Tony:** You literally just did it to Peter, like, two seconds ago.

**Spidey:** valid

**Bucky:** peter i want a nickname

**Spidey changed Bucky Barnes's name to "bonky"**

**bonky:** thank you peter

**Spidey:** :)

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**6:07 PM** _

**Spidey is online**

**birb is online**

**Spidey:** hwy nr stqrk

**Tony is online**

**Tony:** What did you do now, Peter?

**Spidey:** ot was npthimg bsd i swwar

**Spidey:** i waa jusg viplrntly poked

**Spidey:** wih a kniofe

**Tony:** Peter, what the fuck?

**Tony:** Where are you?

**Spidey:** i thumk im on jedferdon

**Tony:** You think?

**Tony:** I'm on my way. Don't move.

**Tony is offline**

**birb changed Tony Stark's name to "Irondad"**

**birb:** irondad

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**8:03 PM** _

**Natasha is online**

**Natasha:** is peter ok

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** Yes. He's recovering very well. He is asleep right now.

**Irondad:** Why is that my name?

**Natasha:** because you're irondad

**Bruce is online**

**Bruce:** Peter just woke up.

**Irondad:** I'm coming down there right now.

**Irondad is offline**

**Bruce is offline**

**birb is online**

**birb:** that is why he is irondad

**Iced Americano is online**

**Spidey is online**

**Natasha:** peter, sweetie, are you doing alright

**birb changed Natasha Romanoff's name to "spider-mom"**

**Spidey:** i am doing great nat! you can barely see the stab wound now!

**spider-mom:** that's good. i'm going to bring you ice cream soon

**Iced Americano:** I'm glad you're doing well, Peter. You scared us.

**Spidey:** im so sorry! i didnt mean to! i was stopping a mugging and the muggers didnt like it!

**memeqween42069 is online**

**memeqween42069:** so many exclamation points

**memeqween42069:** iM sO sOrRy! I dIdNt MeAn To!

**Spidey:** fuck off shuri

**spider-mom:** language!

**birb:** language!

**memeqween42069:** language!

**Spidey:** i hate you guys

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**4:20 AM** _

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** blaze it

**Spidey is offline**

* * *

_**8:47 AM** _

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** Peter, why were you up at 4:20 in the morning?

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** i got homework

**Spidey:** plus i know you were up so why are you just now responding

**Irondad:** This nanotech isn't going to finish itself

**Spidey:** mr stark can you please not text with grammar it's making me very uncomfortable

**Irondad:** fine but why is grammar making you uncomfortable

**Spidey:** texts should not have grammar in them

**spider-mom is online**

**Spidey:** also why have wanda and vision not responded yet

**Irondad:** theyre too busy doing other stuff if you know what i mean

**Iced Americano is online**

**Spidey:** EW MR STARK

**spider-mom:** tony wtf

**Iced Americano:** Tony, that is not very appropriate.

**Irondad:** oh come on it wasnt even that bad

**Wanda Maximoff is online**

**Spidey:** wanda!

**Wanda changed their name to "scarlet bitch"**

**scarlet bitch:** hi peter!

**scarlet bitch:** ew tony get your mind out of the gutter

**scarlet bitch:** weve been binge watching stranger things again

**spider-mom:** peter shouldnt you be in school

**Spidey:** but the teacher's boring and i can do this stuff in my sleep

**spider-mom:** peter…

**Spidey:** ugh fine

**Spidey is offline**

**Irondad:** how do you do that

**spider-mom:** do what

**Irondad:** get him to listen to you

**spider-mom:** that's a secret i'll never tell

**Iced Americano:** You know you love me

**Iced Americano:** XOXO, Gossip Girl

**Irondad:** alright who showed cap gossip girl?

**spider-mom:** oops

**spider-mom is offline**

**scarlet bitch is offline**

**Iced Americano:** Natasha did.

**Iced Americano:** There was a guy in there that looked a lot like Bucky.

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**12:56 PM** _

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** NED GUESS WHAT MJ JUST DID

**Spidey:** SHIT WRONG CHAT

**birb2 is online**

**memeqween42069 is online**

**birb2:** who is mj?

**memeqween42069:** PETER TELL ME EVERYTHING

**Spidey:** mj is no one

**Spidey:** not important at all

**memeqween42069:** mj is his girlfriend

**Spidey:** shes not my girlfriend!

**birb2:** ooh spidey has a gf?

**Irondad is online**

**spider-mom is online**

**Irondad:** spidey has a what now

**Spidey:** mj is not my gf i dont have a gf

**spider-mom:** but you wish she was your gf

**bonky is online**

**Irondad:** i want to meet this mj

**Spidey:** NO!

**bonky:** if she hurts peter i will ground her to a pulp

**Irondad:** same

**Spidey:** NO YOU WONT

**Rhodey is online**

**Rhodey:** I think that might be a bit extreme

**Irondad changed Rhodey's name to "the one brain cell"**

**birb is online**

**the one brain cell:** you know i am

**spider-mom:** excuse you

**spider-mom:** also peter i'm picking you up from school today and when i get there i want you to introduce me to this mj

**birb:** if you're driving him he'll never make it back to the compound alive

**spider-mom:** i know where you live clint

**Everyone is offline**


	2. Sofia the First

_**1:37 PM** _

**bonky is online**

**bonky:** i was a girl in the village doing alright

**furry is online**

**birb is online**

**Irondad is online**

**birb:** then i became a princess overnight

**Irondad:** what

**bonky:** now i gotta figure out how to do it right

**memeqween42069 is online**

**memeqween42069:** so much to learn and see

**furry:** Shuri, what is going on?

**Iced Americano is online**

**birb:** up in the castle with my new family

**Iced Americano:** what

**Irondad:** im just as confused as you

**Spidey is online**

**spider-mom is online**

**Spidey:** in a school thats just for royalty

**bonky:** a whole enchanted world is waiting for me

**birb:** i'm so excited to be

**spider-mom:** SOFIA THE FIRST

**Iced Americano:** Nat, what?

**Irondad:** yeah what he said

**bonky:** IM FINDING OUT WHAT BEING ROYAL'S ALL ABOUT

**Spidey:** (sofia the first)

**memeqween42069:** making my way

**birb:** it's an adventure every day

**Spidey:** (sofia)

**spider-mom:** it's gonna be my time

**Spidey:** (sofia)

**birb:** to show them all that i'm

**bonky:** sofia the first

**Spidey:** sofia the first

**memeqween42069:** sofia the first

**spider-mom:** sofia the first

**bonky is offline**

**spider-mom is offline**

**birb is offline**

**Irondad:** what just happened

**Iced Americano:** I'm confused, too.

**furry:** I've just elected to ignore everything my sister does with Peter.

**Iced Americano is offline**

**Irondad is offline**

**memeqween42069:** brother you still use grammar?

**memeqween42069:** we must change that asap

**furry:** You're supposed to be the genius in this family, so why are you ignoring grammar?

**memeqween42069:** because im cooler than youll ever be

**furry is offline**

**memeqween42069:** he just couldnt handle my coolness

**Spidey:** i love how nat and bucky and clint all came on here just to sing sofia the first and then they left immediately

**memeqween42069:** peter im flying out to new york tonight!

**Spidey:** REALLY?!

**memeqween42069:** yes!

**Spidey:** can we hatch a plan to get cap and nat together?

**birb is online**

**birb:** im sensing scheming

**birb:** omg yes i'll help

**Spidey:** yay!

**memeqween42069:** im down

**Spidey deleted all messages from the last ten minutes**

* * *

_**4:58 PM** _

**memeqween42069 is online**

**memeqween42069:** im here bitches

**Spidey is online**

**scarlet bitch is online**

**Vision is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Vision:** Welcome, Shuri.

**Spidey:** YASSSS

**Irondad:** oh god now i have to deal with both of them

**furry is online**

**furry:** I am with her, too. I will help you deal with their shenanigans.

**memeqween42069:** "shenanigans"

**Spidey:** "shenanigans"

**furry is offline**

**Vision:** Wanda, would you like to come visit me in my room?

**scarlet bitch:** of course, vis

**Vision is offline**

**scarlet bitch is offline**

**Irondad:** i dont even want to have to think about the mechanics to that

**Irondad is offline**

**Spidey:** shuri now we can plan our matchmaking

**memeqween42069:** YES

**Spidey:** meet me in my lab

**Spidey is offline**

**memeqween42069 is offline**

**Iced Americano is online**

**Iced Americano:** matchmaking?

**birb is online**

**birb:** YOU GUYS SAID I COULD HELP TOO

**memeqween42069 is online**

**memeqween42069:** then come

**memeqween42069 is offline**

**birb:** omw

**birb is offline**

* * *

_**5:15 PM** _

**spider-mom is online**

**spider-mom:** peter benjamin parker

**spider-mom:** explain yourself

**Spidey is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** what did he do

**Spidey:** i swear i didnt do anything

**Spidey:** i have no idea what shes talking about

**Irondad:** okay yeah youre guilty of whatever shes talking about

**Irondad:** what is she talking about

**memeqween42069 is online**

**spider-mom:** the little shit locked me and steve in a closet together

**Spidey:** technically shuri did that

**memeqween42069:** technically it was clints idea

**spider-mom:** why was clint involved in this

**spider-mom:** CLINT

**birb is online**

**Spidey:** holy shit

**Spidey:** shes magical

**birb:** ive been summoned

**birb:** o shit

**birb:** i just read

**birb:** im out of here

**birb is offline**

**spider-mom:** CLINTON FRANCIS BARTON

**Irondad:** ha shes mad

**Irondad:** you three are dead

**Irondad:** toodles

**Irondad is offline**

**Iced Americano is online**

**Iced Americano:** Son, you have some explaining to do.

**Spidey:** why is everyone assuming it's me?  
 **memeqween42069:** you were still apart of the plan

**Iced Americano:** What plan?

**spider-mom:** your "plan" failed because you seemed to have forgotten that i am a master assassin and can find my way out of a closet

**Spidey:** clint was the one who came up with the plan blame him

**Spidey:** i just agreed to it

**bonky is online**

**bonky:** did you lock them in a closet so steve would finally get laid

**Spidey:** "finally"?

**memeqween42069:** HOLY SHIT DO U MEAN THAT CAP IS A VIRGIN

**memeqween42069:** AAHAHAHAHAHSKSDGFJSD

**Spidey:** ARE YOU SERIOUS

**bonky:** unless he hasn't told me something

**bonky:** yes he is

**Iced Americano:** Bucky!

**spider-mom:** AHAHAHAHAHAHA

**memeqween42069 changed Iced Americano's name to "virgin"**

**virgin:** Why me?

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**6:31 PM** _

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** psst shuri clint

**birb is online**

**memeqween42069 is online**

**scarlet bitch is online**

**Spidey:** wanda you can help us too

**scarlet bitch:** is this about the plan to get steve and nat together

**Spidey:** ofc

**memeqween42069:** we need an actual good plan this time

**birb:** hey! that was a good plan!

**memeqween42069:** a good plan if one of them wasnt a master assassin

**memeqween42069:** we need something that will actually work on them

**scarlet bitch:** what if we make one of them jealous

**birb:** i like this plan

**Spidey:** which one should we make jealous

**birb:** nat is scary when shes mad and steve is too awkward to actually go through with like getting a girl so i would say we make steve jealous

**memeqween42069:** yes we will make steve jealous

**memeqween42069:** didnt nat and bruce have a thing a couple years ago

**birb:** ya they did

**birb:** i'll go tell bruce to get on hang on

**birb is offline**

**Spidey:** shuri how did you know that

**memeqween42069:** i have my ways

**scarlet bitch:** they were together when i was evil

**Spidey:** ah

**scarlet bitch:** i was barely even around them then except to like attack them but when i was it was awful

**scarlet bitch:** bruce and nat did not work together at all

**birb is online**

**birb:** i got him

**Bruce is online**

**Bruce:** What do you need?

**memeqween42069:** we need your help to get steve and nat together

**memeqween42069:** we need you to hit on nat to make steve jealous

**Bruce:** You need me to what now

**memeqween42069:** just reread the text

**Spidey:** you dont like still have feelings for her do you

**Spidey:** cuz that would just make things awkward

**Bruce:** No definitely not

**Bruce:** Fine. I'll do it

**birb:** yay!

**Spidey:** yay!

**memeqween42069:** yay!

**scarlet bitch:** yay!

**Bruce:** When should I do it

**Spidey:** tonight at movie night

**Spidey:** that should make it pretty easy

**Spidey:** you can like sit really close to her and like put your arm around her or on her knee or something

**Bruce:** Okay then

**Bruce is offline**

**Spidey deleted all texts from the last twenty minutes**

* * *

_**1:42 AM** _

**memeqween42069 is online**

**memeqween42069:** oh my god

**memeqween42069:** that was amazing

**Spidey is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Spidey:** I KNOW RIGHT

**Irondad:** i never want to see that happen ever again

**birb is online**

**birb:** IT WORKED

**birb:** STEVE GOT RLLY JEALOUS

**birb2 is online**

**birb2:** i wish i didnt witness it happening but im glad it finally happened

**the one brain cell is online**

**the one brain cell:** What happened? I missed it

**Irondad:** thats cuz you skipped movie night

**Irondad:** LAME

**bonky is online**

**bonky:** im so proud of him

**bonky:** he's finally getting laid

**Spidey:** so we had this plan right

**Spidey:** we decided to make steve jealous by using bruce and having him hit on nat so he was like sitting really close to her at movie night and like touching her and stuff and steve got jealous and you could see him getting progressively madder as the movie went on and then finally at the end steve snapped and picked nat up by the front of her shirt and kissed her

**the one brain cell:** Wow

**memeqween42069:** it was pretty amazing

**Spidey:** and kinda disgusting cuz you could see their tongues going into each others mouths and nat started grinding against him and that was when i left the room

**birb:** same

**birb:** i did not need my poor innocent virgin eyes to see that

**Spidey:** clint you have three kids

**bonky:** my room is right next to his and it is disgusting

**bonky:** does anyone have any noise canceling headphones

**bonky:** or can i bunk with anyone tonight so i can go get some tomorrow

**Spidey:** you can bunk with me and shuri!

**memeqween42069:** yeah!

**bonky:** omw

**bonky is offline**

**Spidey is offline**

**memeqween42069 is offline**

**the one brain cell:** Tony you owe me $300

**Irondad:** what no i dont

**the one brain cell:** Yes you do

**the one brain cell:** You said they wouldn't get together until next year, and I said they would get together before then, and you bet me $300, and I clearly won

**Irondad:** ugh fine

**Irondad:** i'll venmo it to you

**Irondad is offline**

**the one brain cell is offline**

**birb:** i still can't believe i had to witness my little sister grinding up against captain america

**birb is offline**

**spider-mom is online**

**virgin is online**

**spider-mom:** aw you think of me as your little sister clint?

**virgin changed their name to "not a virgin"**

**not a virgin:** Ha!

**Everyone is offline**


	3. YOU'RE MY DAD BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE

_**3:06 PM** _

**Thor is online**

**Thor:** Does anyone know where the tarts that pop are located? I have looked everywhere, and I can't seem to find them!

**spider-mom is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** we're all out sorry thor

**birb is online**

**birb:** yeah you ate all of them the last time you were here and we never replaced them

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** what are you guys talking about theres literally a pantry full of them in mr starks kitchen

**spider-mom:** PETER NO

**birb:** PETER WHAT THE FUCK

**Thor:** Thank you, Man of Spiders!

**Thor is offline**

**Irondad:** PETER NOW HE'S GOING TO GO EAT ALL OF THE POPTARTS AND WE WONT HAVE ANY LEFT FOR US

**Spidey:** sorry guys!

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**4:46 PM** _

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** plants are really farming us

**Spidey:** they give us oxygen until we eventually die and decompose into the earth for them to consume

**not a virgin is online**

**not a virgin:** Peter, what?

**Spidey:** if you view a bald eagle at the zoo, you are looking at the american symbol of freedom in captivity

**spider-mom is online**

**Irondad is online**

**spider-mom:** if you looked at what me and steve did last night, you would be looking at another american symbol in captivity

**not a virgin:** Natasha!

**Irondad:** okay this is where i leave

**Irondad is offline**

**memeqween42069 is online**

**memeqween42069:** in harry potter, porn would watch you back

**memeqween42069 is offline**

**Spidey:** the person who would proofread hitler's speeches was a grammar nazi

**birb is online**

**birb:** nat what the actual fuck

**spider-mom:** i was just stating facts

**not a virgin is offline**

**spider-mom:** he did change his name to "not a virgin"

**spider-mom:** he was just asking for it

**spider-mom is offline**

**birb:** theyre going to bang now arent they

**birb:** ew

**bonky is online**

**birb2 is online**

**Spidey:** at new years, some people celebrate the year they'll die in

**birb2:** shut up

**bonky:** no let him finish

**Spidey:** the word "nun" looks like the letter n doing a cartwheel

**bonky:** holy shit it does

**scarlet bitch is online**

**Spidey:** when a pregnant woman swims, she is a human submarine

**scarlet bitch:** the only time the word "incorrectly" isn't spelled "incorrectly" is when it's spelled incorrectly

**birb2:** i just had a stroke reading that

**Spidey:** are oranges called oranges because theyre orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange

**birb2:** i just had another stroke

**birb2 is offline**

**Spidey:** okay im done

**bonky is offline**

**Spidey:** OH MY GOD EW

**Spidey:** I JUST READ WHAT NATASHA SAID

**birb:** theyre in nats room rn and her room is right next to mine

**Spidey:** rippp

**birb:** it's really disgusting

**birb:** does anyone want to go out

**birb:** like right now

**birb:** please

**scarlet bitch:** i cant :( vis and i are having a movie marathon

**birb:** :(

**Spidey:** i will!

**birb:** YAY :D

**birb:** i'll meet you outside of your room like right now

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**7:08 PM** _

**birb is online**

**birb:** movie night tonight?

**spider-mom is online**

**spider-mom:** we literally just had one the other night

**birb:** did i stutter

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** im down

**Irondad:** i'll get friday to call everyone down

**birb:** fantastic

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**7:13 PM** _

**bonky is online**

**bonky:** why isnt peter here :(

**spider-mom is online**

**Irondad is online**

**scarlet bitch is online**

**not a virgin is online**

**not a virgin:** Why are you texting? We're literally in the same room

**Irondad:** peter has a date

**scarlet bitch:** yeah with mj

**memeqween42069 is online**

**bonky:** oh

**memeqween42069:** THE SKINNY LITTLE WHITE BOY IS GETTING LAID TONIGHTTTT

**Irondad:** WHAT

**spider-mom:** PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** SHURI WTF

**Spidey:** I AM NOT GETTING LAID

**not a virgin:** Peter, why are you texting during your date? That's rude.

**Spidey:** shes reading all these texts

**Spidey:** dont worry she knows about spider-man

**Spidey:** and she finds this conversation very funny

**Spidey:** she says hi to shuri

**memeqween42069:** HI MJ

**Irondad:** kid do we need to have the talk

**Spidey:** NO

**spider-mom:** i think we do

**Spidey:** i definitely do not need the talk nothing is happening tonight it's just a date

**Spidey:** i have to go now the movie's starting

**Spidey is offline**

**Irondad:** i am so giving him the talk tonight

**bonky:** look at our little peter

**bonky:** all grown up :')

**Irondad:** BUCKY NO

**memeqween42069:** please give him the talk

**memeqween42069:** and record it and send it to me

**spider-mom:** deal.

**memeqween42069 is offline**

**spider-mom is offline**

**scarlet bitch is offline**

**bonky:** so are we all going to give him the talk

**Irondad:** yes.

**not a virgin:** Do I have to?

**Irondad:** yes.

**Irondad:** if it werent for yours and nats new relationship, i would make you sit with the kid and get the talk as well

**Irondad:** but lucky for you that is no longer necessary

**bonky:** it seems like just yesterday i was having to save his ass in an alley every other day

**bonky:** the skinny little 5'4 child

**bonky:** always sick

**bonky:** could never get a girl

**bonky:** now look at him

**bonky:** he's banging the black widow every night

**not a virgin:** Bucky, no.

**bonky:** ;)

**Irondad:** cap, we can all hear you guys

**Irondad:** dont get all embarrassed on us now

**Irondad:** from the noises you two make at night, you dont seem embarrassed in the bedroom

**not a virgin:** This is inappropriate.

**not a virgin is offline**

**bonky:** i walked in on them doing it on the kitchen counter earlier today

**bonky:** he was definitely not embarrassed then

**bonky:** he kinda just shooed me out of the kitchen so they could continue

**Irondad:** remind me to thoroughly disinfect the kitchen tonight

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**8:11 AM** _

**birb2 is online**

**birb2:** hey kid how was your night with mj ;)

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** NO

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** WE DID NOT SLEEP TOGETHER

**Spidey:** but it was nice :)

**Spidey:** we went and saw a movie and then we went to dinner and i walked her home

**birb2:** are you telling me you didn't get laid?

**birb2:** boring

**Irondad:** no not boring

**Irondad:** peter you are not old enough for sex

**Irondad:** we are all giving you the talk today after lunch

**Spidey:** mr stark no :(

**Spidey:** wait…

**Spidey:** "all"?!

**Irondad:** yes.

**Irondad:** even cap because he has plenty of experience now

**spider-mom is online**

**spider-mom:** we need to give you the talk now so there won't be any little peters or michelles running around the compound anytime soon

**Spidey:** wait how did you know her name is michelle

**Spidey:** ive only called her mj

**spider-mom:** peter you underestimate me

**Spidey:** right

**Spidey:** i forget

**Spidey:** you're also a master assassin, not just my spider-mom

**spider-mom:** but i will always be your spider-mom

**Spidey:** :)

**spider-mom:** :)

**birb2:** that was cute

**spider-mom:** you ruined the moment sam

**spider-mom:** get out

**birb2:** :(

**birb2 is offline**

**Irondad:** does that make me or cap your dad

**Irondad:** answer wisely, kiddo

**Spidey:** you're both my dads :)

**Irondad:** :)

**spider-mom:** :)

**not a virgin is online**

**not a virgin:** :)

**not a virgin is offline**

**Irondad:** wow he really just came here just to drop a smiley face didn't he

**spider-mom:** yeah he's lying right next to me and reading these texts over my shoulder

**spider-mom:** he thought it was necessary

**Spidey:** hi steve :)

**spider-mom:** he says "hi, peter"

**Irondad:** thanks for the hug, kiddo :')

**Spidey:** youre welcome :)

**Spidey:** i would give nat and cap a hug too but something tells me i dont want to go in there right now

**Irondad:** AJSDFGKJSLDGFJADSGFJKDHSFGALJDSGF

**spider-mom:** we arent doing anything

**Spidey:** no but youre lying next to each other which means youre in bed which means youre probably naked and i dont want my young eyes to see that

**Spidey:** get dressed and then i'll come hug you two

**spider-mom is offline**

**Irondad:** calling us your parents is not getting you out of the talk kid

**Spidey:** i know :(

**Everyone is offline**


	4. I sensed tension

_**10:03 PM** _

**birb is online**

**birb:** awww petey kissed a girl

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** CLINT WERE YOU SPYING ON ME

**birb:** we all were

**Spidey:** WHAT?!

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** well not all of us per se but a few of us

**spider-mom is online**

**birb:** me, tony, nat, bucky, and sam

**Spidey:** i hate all of you

**spider-mom:** no you don't you love me

**Irondad:** and me

**Spidey:** …

**Spidey:** i do tho

**spider-mom:** :(

**Irondad:** hey!

**Irondad:** i am offended!  
 **birb:** me too :(

**the one brain cell is online**

**the one brain cell:** i tried to stop them

**Spidey:** i love you rhodey :)

**the one brain cell:** :)

**the one brain cell is offline**

**Irondad:** i can't believe you just betrayed me for my own best friend

**birb:** yeah i thought you cared about us petey

**Irondad:** would you have even told us that you kissed her

**Spidey:** absolutely!

**Spidey:** not.

**Irondad:** oh

**spider-mom:** i would have found out anyways

**Irondad:** i'm really glad we gave you that talk otherwise that kiss would eventually lead to other places

**Irondad:** right cap?

**spider-mom:** he says "fuck you tony"

**Irondad:** language!

**birb:** language!

**Spidey:** language!

**Irondad:** are you two ever apart

**spider-mom:** no.

**spider-mom is offline**

**Spidey:** gtg mj is here to study

**birb:** "study"

**Spidey:** we are studying! we have a big test coming up

**Irondad:** it better be only studying

**Irondad:** i have karen monitoring your heart rate

**Spidey:** oh my god

**Spidey is offline**

**birb:** karen?

**Irondad:** peter named the AI in his suit

**birb:** ah

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

**AcaDec**

_**5:03 PM** _

**Peter is online**

**Peter:** mr stsrk i git shut

**Flash is online**

**MJ is online**

**Ned is online**

**MJ:** peter wrong chat

**Ned:** peter you WHAT

**Peter:** SHIT

**Peter is offline**

**Abe is online**

**Flash:** he's probably lying like he does about the internship

**MJ:** flash shut the fuck up

**MJ is offline**

**Ned is offline**

**Abe:** what the hell

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

**The Avengers**

_**5:04 PM** _

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** mr stark i konda gpt shpt

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** you WHAT

**Spidey:** ya im blewdong out by dekmars

**Irondad:** im on my way

**Irondad:** DONT MOVE

**Irondad is offline**

**Spidey:** i dony thunk i could uf i wanted

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**3:02 PM** _

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** whaddup losers

**Spidey added Michelle Jones to the chat**

**Michelle Jones changed their name to "MJ"**

**MJ:** hey

**birb is online**

**birb:** ARE YOU PETERS GIRLFRIEND

**bonky is online**

**bonky:** IS THIS THE ONE WE SAW KISSING PETER WHEN WE SPIED ON THEM AT THEIR DATE

**MJ:** um

**Spidey:** yes she took my phone and added herself

**Spidey:** im sorry

**MJ:** i wont be here for long i just wanted to say hi to everyone

**Spidey:** she's definitely plotting something idk what it is but be on the lookout guys

**memeqween42069 is online**

**memeqween42069:** MJ!

**MJ:** SHURI!

**bonky:** shuri knows peter's gf?

**Spidey:** i introduced them

**Spidey:** worst decision of my life

**Irondad is online**

**not a virgin is online**

**not a virgin:** Nice to meet you, MJ.

**not a virgin:** Peter's told us a lot about you.

**Spidey:** not on purpose

**memeqween42069:** youre not technically meeting her

**MJ:** who the fuck is not a virgin

**Irondad:** im not

**Spidey:** thats not what she—

**Spidey:** idec anymore

**not a virgin:** I am Steve Rogers.

**MJ:** why is that your name i cant take it seriously

**Spidey:** shes been laughing her head off ever since you came on

**Irondad:** because he was a virgin but then he wasnt

**MJ added Ned Leeds to the chat**

**Spidey:** oh dear

**Ned Leeds is online**

**Ned:** OH MY GOD PETER IS THIS A CHAT WITH THE AVENGERS

**Spidey:** yes it is

**Ned:** OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD

**MJ removed Ned Leeds from the chat**

**MJ:** i just wanted to see how he would react

**MJ left the chat**

**spider-mom is online**

**spider-mom:** dammit i missed her

**Irondad:** peter bring mj over to the compound right now

**Irondad:** im sending happy to get you immediately

**Irondad:** this is not up for discussion

**Irondad:** it'll take a couple hours and you two are sleeping over so run over to mjs house to get her belongings and stuff and then you go back to your place and pack and then happy will get you there

**Spidey:** um okay

**Spidey is offline**

**spider-mom:** oh yes i get to meet her

**spider-mom:** and interrogate her

**spider-mom:** and make it very well known that if she hurts peter that i will track her down and kill her slowly and mercilessly

**spider-mom is offline**

**birb:** ooookay

**birb is offline**

**memeqween42069:** im in wakanda :(

**Irondad:** and you're staying there we don't need three of you at the compound at once

**memeqween42069:** fuck you anthony

**memeqween42069 is offline**

**not a virgin:** I'm going to have to make sure that Nat doesn't scare her too much.

**Irondad:** that shouldnt be a problem

**Irondad:** mj is like a mini-natasha

**Irondad:** she's scary

**not a virgin:** But still.

**not a virgin is offline**

**Irondad:** she's terrifying

**Irondad:** she's a mini-natasha and pepper

**Irondad:** at the same time

**Irondad:** oh he left

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**11:28 PM** _

**spider-mom is online**

**spider-mom:** peter i love your girlfriend

**Spidey is online**

**bonky is online**

**bonky:** i do too

**Spidey:** guys :') thank you

**Spidey:** it means the world

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** and remember that i will have friday notify me immediately if things get too heated in that bedroom of yours

**Irondad:** i better not get any notifications from her regarding you, mister

**Spidey:** MR STARK

**Spidey:** WE HAVENT SLEPT TOGETHER YET

**bonky:** "yet"

**birb is online**

**birb2 is online**

**birb:** i sensed tension and came as fast as i could

**Spidey:** AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

**bonky:** isn't that from barbie

**bonky:** peter showed me

**spider-mom:** peter why are you showing bucky barbie

**Spidey:** in order for him to be fully immersed in todays society he needs to know everything

**Spidey:** and barbie is too culturally impactful for me to leave out

**Spidey:** i showed cap too

**spider-mom:** so you're the reason why cap wanted to watch barbie princess charm school last night

**Spidey:** IT'S A GOOD MOVIE

**Spidey:** DURING OUR NEXT MOVIE NIGHT CAN WE WATCH IT

**not a virgin is online**

**spider-mom:** NO

**not a virgin:** YES

**bonky:** YES

**birb:** YES

**not a virgin:** You're outnumbered. Sorry, Tash.

**spider-mom:** you've been spending too much time with parker

**spider-mom is offline**

**Spidey:** oof the last name

**Spidey:** that's cold

**Spidey is offline**

**Irondad:** he better not have gone offline to make out with that girl

**Irondad is offline**

**birb2:** YES GO GET SOME PARKER

**birb:** ooooooooh

**bonky:** peter is one lucky guy tonight ;)

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** NO

**Irondad is offline**

**not a virgin:** So when is our next movie night?

**birb:** tomorrow

**not a virgin:** Sweet.

**not a virgin is offline**

**birb2:** "sweet"?

**birb:** idk

**bonky:** yeet

**Everyone is offline**


	5. ehehehehehehehe

_**7:06 PM** _

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** eheheeheheheehehe

**Irondad is online**

**bonky is online**

**birb is online**

**bonky:** eheheheheehehehee

**birb:** ehehehehehehehee

**Irondad:** what is going on

**not a virgin is online**

**not a virgin:** eheheheheehehee

**Irondad:** WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM

**not a virgin is offline**

**memeqween42069 is online**

**scarlet bitch is online**

**scarlet bitch:** ehehehehehehehe

**memeqween42069:** ehheheheheheheehe

**spider-mom is online**

**spider-mom:** they're excited to watch barbie tonight

**Irondad:** shuri why are you doing this you aren't even on the continent

**memeqween42069:** says who

**Irondad:** o.O

**memeqween42069:** i just thought it'd be fun i can't not do it

**the one brain cell is online**

**Irondad:** RHODEY

**Irondad:** finally someone with common sense

**spider-mom:** excuse me

**spider-mom is offline**

**Spidey:** you better run

**the one brain cell:** eheheheheheehe

**the one brain cell is offline**

**Irondad:** you've gotta be shitting me

**Spidey:** HA

**birb:** language!

**Spidey:** language!

**bonky:** language!

**memeqween42069:** language!

**scarlet bitch:** language!

**Irondad:** seriously

**Irondad:** nat what are you doing in my roksjdfglsjkfdgj

**Irondad is offline**

**scarlet bitch:** is op alright

**Spidey:** nat came into his room and started strangling him because he implied that she doesnt have common sense

**scarlet bitch:** oh

**birb:** lol sucks doesn't it

**bonky:** wait is sam gonna be there tonight

**Spidey:** yes it's avengers movie night

**bonky:** oh

**bonky:** sad

**birb2 is online**

**birb2:** i'm not looking forward to it either bOnKy

**bonky:** you don't have the right of calling me that

**bonky:** it's Sergeant Barnes to you

**memeqween42069:** AHJDGFGASDJKHGFJAHSDG

**memeqween42069:** I SPAT OUT MY DRINK

**birb2:** fuck you bonky

**bonky:** SERGEANT BARNES

**birb2:** BONKY

**birb2 is offline**

**bonky is offline**

**scarlet bitch:** wait did tony make it out alive

**Spidey:** unfortunately yes

**Spidey:** however he is curled up in a fetal position in the corner of his room right now

**Spidey:** nat is still in here and shes sitting in a chair filing her nails with one of her knives

**birb:** god that woman is terrifying

**spider-mom is online**

**spider-mom:** you're next clinton

**spider-mom is offline**

**Spidey:** you better run she just left the room

**birb:** fuck

**birb is offline**

**Bruce is online**

**Spidey:** BRUCE!

**Bruce:** Anyone wanna tell my why I just heard really high pitched screaming and I am all the way down in the labs

**Bruce:** The soundproof labs

**Spidey:** clint called nat scary

**Bruce:** Okay but that doesn't explain why I can also hear battle cries

**scarlet bitch:** bucky and sam

**Bruce:** Ah I see

**Bruce is offline**

**memeqween42069:** im pretty sure i just heard clint screaming again and im in wakanda

**memeqween42069:** oh wait that was just tchalla

**memeqween42069:** he accidentally offended one of the dora milaje today

**memeqween42069:** gtg bully him

**memeqween42069 is offline**

**scarlet bitch is offline**

**Spidey:** hello darkness my old friend

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**5:11 AM** _

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** steve u up

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** why are you asking if steve is up at five in the morning

**birb is online**

**Irondad:** why are you up so early

**Spidey:** wait it's already 5am

**Irondad:** please don't tell me you haven't gone to sleep yet

**Spidey:** alright then i wont tell you

**Irondad:** PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

**Irondad:** YOU CANT PULL AN ALL NIGHTER ON A SCHOOL NIGHT

**birb:** lol irondad

**not a virgin is online**

**spider-mom is online**

**not a virgin:** Why are you guys texting at five in the morning? I had a late night last night and I'm trying to sleep, but my phone keeps buzzing.

**spider-mom:** i also had a late night last night and am trying to sleep but steve's phone keeps buzzing

**Spidey:** EW

**birb:** OH MY GOD MY VIRGIN EARS

**Spidey:** clint this is a text

**birb:** OH MY GOD MY VIRGIN EYES

**spider-mom:** clint you hav N

**birb:** oh right

**birb:** one of the children is the reason i'm up at 5am

**spider-mom:** aw which one

**birb:** nate

**birb:** he had a nightmare :(

**spider-mom:** :(

**Spidey:** :(

**spider-mom:** tell him that auntie nat loves him

**birb:** i will :)

**birb:** he says he loves you too

**spider-mom:** :)

**birb is offline**

**Spidey:** have you guys noticed how some people just aren't responding to this chat anymore

**Spidey:** like tchalla and thor and vision

**Irondad:** thor is on asgard and everyone else probably muted this chat

**Irondad:** i would too but you tend to tell us that you've been shot on here instead of just communicating directly with me

**not a virgin:** Peter, why did you want to know if I'm up?

**Irondad:** well since i'm not needed…

**Irondad:** peace

**Irondad is offline**

**Spidey:** OH RIGHT

**Spidey:** i kinda have a project on world war ii that's due today and i procrastinated on it and PLEASE HELP

**spider-mom:** i wish i could convey his sigh of disappointment over text, but unfortunately, i cannot

**spider-mom:** you can probably imagine it, though

**not a virgin:** I will be right over, Peter.

**Spidey:** THANK YOU <3333

**not a virgin:** Why are there so many threes?

**Spidey:** cuz it's like a heart but i put more threes to really get my thankfulness across

**not a virgin:** Oh. <333333333333333

**not a virgin is offline**

**spider-mom is offline**

**birb2 is online**

**birb2:** istg kid i'm going to kill you

**birb2:** you woke me up at FIVE IN THE FUCKING MORNING

**Spidey:** shit

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**2:50 PM** _

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** peter

**Irondad:** why the fuck did i just get a call from your school saying that you got sent to the principal's office for denting the wall

**Irondad:** the concrete wall

**bonky is online**

**bonky:** aw you're his emergency contact

**bonky:** #irondadforever

**Irondad:** AND WHY DOES BUCKY KNOW HOW TO HASHTAG

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** uh yeah about that

**Spidey:** technically it wasn't a dent

**Irondad:**???????

**Spidey:** i was kinda running late to class

**Spidey:** like really late actually

**Spidey:** and i was running and i kinda didn't see the wall and i kinda ran through it

**Spidey:** so now there's a peter-sized hole in the wall to my english class

**Spidey:** on the bright side i got to class on time though

**Irondad:** YOU RAN THROUGH THE WALL?????

**Spidey:** um

**Spidey:** yes.

**memeqween42069 is online**

**memeqween42069:** mj sent me a picture

**memeqween42069:** [Attachment: 1 image]

**bonky:** oh my god

**bonky:** way to go peter!

**Irondad:** BUCKY NO

**bonky:** BUCKY YES

**bonky is offline**

**Irondad:** he just HAD to have the last word didn't he

**spider-mom is online**

**Spidey:** okay but can you please come help me explain how i managed to break through a concrete or brick or whatever those school walls are made of without giving my identity away

**Irondad:** i'll bring the ndas

**Spidey:** :(

**spider-mom:** honestly how you've managed to keep your identity secret is beyond me

**memeqween42069:** I KNOW RIGHT

**Irondad:** wait nat why are you so active on this chat but you don't say a word on our other chat

**Spidey:** y-your OTHER CHAT???

**memeqween42069:** ooh tea

**Irondad:** relax kid it's just the og 6 + rhodey

**Spidey:** i am offended

**Spidey:** i will never recover from this hurt

**spider-mom:** because i don't like you but i like peter

**Spidey:** i have recovered and found my new superhero parent mr stark i hate to say this but youre fired

**spider-mom:** :)))

**Irondad:** did you just reference the apprentice

**Irondad:** and excuse me how dare you fire me from being your parent

**spider-mom:** suck it stark

**Irondad:** i'm the one coming to your school explaining why you managed to run through a wall with no injury whatsoever

**Spidey:** alright FINE youre not fired

**Spidey:** youre just on probation

**Spidey:** but nat still is my superhero parent

**spider-mom:** :)

**Spidey:** :)

**Irondad:** fine i'll take it i guess

**Irondad:** tell your principal i'm omw

**Everyone is offline**


	6. Nobody Likes Flash

_**12:35 PM** _

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** mr stark

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** yeah kid

**Spidey:** i left my lunchbox on the counter can you bring it

**Irondad:** yeah kid i can fly it over

**Spidey:** yay :) thanksssss

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**12:43 PM** _

**AcaDec**

**Flash is online**

**Flash:** GUYS IRON MAN IS HERE

**Sally is online**

**MJ is online**

**Peter is online**

**Ned is online**

**MJ:** yeah we know

**Ned:** hes bringing peter his lunch :)

**Flash:** like im gonna believe that

**Abe is online**

**Abe:** peter why did iron man just walk into the cafeteria, hand you a lunchbox, and then leave

**Peter:** i forgot my lunch

**Flash:** penis did you actually hire someone to come in with an iron man suit and bring you lunch just so we would believe you

**MJ removed Flash Thompson from the chat**

**Sally:** oh thank god

**Sally:** i was about to kill someone

**Abe:** as much as i hate flash i dont think you can just kick him from the official acadec chat

**MJ:** i know i'll add him back i just wanted to assert my dominance

**MJ:** i'll add him back in a couple hours

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**5:06 PM** _

**MJ is online**

**MJ added Flash Thompson to the chat**

**Flash:** do you guys really believe the stuff penis says

**Flash:** like hes clearly lying why would tony stark bring him lunch

**Cindy is online**

**Charles is online**

**MJ:** flash shut the fuck up no one wants to hear your insults

**Ned is online**

**Ned:** yeah peter interns for tony stark and he left his lunchbox at the compound

**Peter is online**

**Flash:** okay and i had a one night stand with black widow

**Peter:** youre about to regret that you said that

**Peter:** shuri just saw and is fuming

**Peter added Shuri to the chat**

**Charles:** who the hell is shuri

**Shuri is online**

**Shuri added Natasha Romanoff to the chat**

**Ned:** OH MY GOD DID YOU JUST ADD BLACK WIDOW TO THE ACADEC CHAT AKFJALDHSKAHDKDHAJ

**Peter:** SHURI

**Shuri:** nattttttttt

**Shuri:** you might want to read up

**Natasha is online**

**Shuri:** ooh i wanna see this

**Peter:** shuri im gonna kill you

**Natasha:** okay listen up here you little shit

**Natasha:** first of all how dare you speak to peter like that

**Natasha:** you are an asshole and nobody likes you

**Natasha:** you're never gonna get anywhere in life and if you ever even breathe in peter's direction again you're going to regret you ever existed

**Flash:** like im supposed to believe thats actually natasha romanoff

**Flash:** penis probably paid someone to roleplay as her

**Flash:** are you really that desperate for us to believe you penis

**Natasha is offline**

**Cindy:** oh my god flash shut up

**Flash is offline**

**Abe is online**

**Abe:** mj why did you add him back in

**MJ:** i had to :(

**Charles:** flash hasn't texted in a hot minute is he alive

**Shuri:** not for long bc nat just facetimed him

**Shuri:** shes threatening him

**Shuri:** [Attachment: 1 video]

**Sally:** i love how in that video peter's just sitting in the corner with his head in his hands like he hates his life

**Peter:** thats cuz i do rn

**Flash is online**

**Natasha is online**

**Natasha:** eugene do you have anything you would like to say to peter

**Flash:** sorry

**Peter:** its fine ig

**Natasha:** thank you

**Natasha:** and if you ever think about bullying мой ребёнок паук ever again i will turn all of the avengers against you

**Natasha:** you do not want that to happen

**Natasha:** пока ребёнок паук я тебя люблю

**Peter:** пока мама паук я тоже тебя люблю

**Natasha Romanoff left the chat**

**Abe:** peter knows russian????

**Peter:** yes

**MJ:** clearly

**Peter removed Shuri from the chat**

**Peter is offline**

**Ned is offline**

**MJ is offline**

**Cindy:** according to google translate, natasha called him "my baby spider"

**Cindy:** and then she said "bye baby spider i love you"

**Cindy:** and then he said "bye mama spider i love you too"

**Sally:** that's precious

**Cindy:** ikr

**Everyone is offline**

* * *

_**1:03 PM** _

**The Avengers**

**spider-mom is online**

**spider-mom:** peter do you have anything you would like to share with the class

**Irondad is online**

**not a virgin is online**

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** not particularly

**spider-mom:** okay then i will

**spider-mom:** [Attachment: 3 images]

**Spidey:** YOU SCREENSHOT IT???

**spider-mom:** it's very important

**Irondad:** PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

**Irondad:** HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL US YOU WERE BEING BULLIED

**Spidey:** erm

**not a virgin:** Peter, you know you can talk to us, right? We could have helped you deal with this before it got too bad.

**Spidey:** i can hear your psa voice through that text

**spider-mom:** psa?

**Irondad:** what psa

**Spidey:** omg the psas

**not a virgin:** No.

**Spidey:** /ndFOYQ0bCtY

**Irondad:** OH MY GOD

**Irondad:** THESE ARE AMAZING

**spider-mom:** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**bonky is online**

**birb2 is online**

**bonky:** oh. my. fucking. god.

**bonky:** this is the best thing to come out of the 21st century hands down

**birb2:** THE SEX ED ONE

**Spidey:** omg the trauma from that one

**Irondad:** as amazing as those are

**Irondad:** don't change the subject

**Irondad:** do i have permission to kill

**not a virgin:** He's a minor, so no. Wait a few years and you should be fine.

**Irondad:** oh

**Irondad:** i guess i can just blacklist him

**Spidey:** mr stark dont do that

**spider-mom:** do it

**Irondad:** if he bothers you again i will

**Irondad:** until then i will fly to him in person to threaten him

**Spidey:** MR STARK NO

**Irondad is offline**


	7. No Spoilers

**_3:42 PM_ **

**Thor is online**

**Thor:** Hello, Midgardians! I am back on Midgard!

**Irondad is online**

**birb2 is online**

**Spidey is online**

**Irondad:** QUICK HIDE THE POPTARTS

**Thor:** Do not worry, Stark. I am not in New York. I am in New Mexico with Jane.

**Irondad:** oh good. false alarm

**Spidey:** so you wont be visiting me thor? :,(

**Thor:** Man of Spiders! I am truly sorry. I will try to come visit later in the week, after I’m done visiting Jane!

**Spidey:** :)

**bonky is online**

**birb2:** ew it’s james

**bonky:** ew it’s samuel

**Irondad:** ew it’s james and samuel

**Irondad is offline**

**bonky:** peter how’s your gf

**Spidey:** shes doing great

**birb2:** how’s the sex

**Spidey:** SAMMM

**Spidey:** WE ARENT SLEEPING TOGETHER

**bonky:** okay but like are you just saying that so stark doesn’t find out you and mj are banging like rabbits or do you actually mean it

**Spidey:** i actually mean it

**bonky:** but you’re two teenagers

**bonky:** you can see where it’s a little unbelievable right

**birb2:** let’s find out shall we

**birb2 added MJ to the chat**

**MJ is online**

**birb2:** how’s sex with peter pooh

**MJ:** mind blowing

**Spidey:** MJ NOOOO

**MJ:** ;)

**Irondad is online**

**bonky:** istg he has his own version of the peter tingle

**Spidey:** do NOT start calling it my peter tingle

**Irondad:** PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

**Irondad:** NO

**spider-mom is online**

**spider-mom:** does anyone know why i just heard tony scream from all the way across the compound

**spider-mom:** oh

**spider-mom:** nvm

**Irondad:** you two better be using protection

**Irondad:** i don’t want any little spiders running around the compound

**Spidey:** mr starkkkkk

**MJ:** relax hes just reacting the same way all parents do when they find out their baby is sexually active

**Spidey:** im not a baby…

**spider-mom:** yes you are

**bonky:** yes you are

**birb2:** yes you are

**Irondad:** yes you are

**MJ:** yes you are

**Spidey:** :(

**Irondad:** NO SPIDER BABIES

**Irondad:** it’s already enough handling you i don’t need an even smaller you

**MJ:** relaxxxxxx we’ll be fine

**MJ left the chat**

**Irondad:** you better be

**Everyone is offline**

**_4:43 AM_ **

**Spidey is online**

**Spidey:** you know stranger things has real bucky barnes and steve rogers vibes

**bonky is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** peter you have school in less than four hours WHY ARE YOU UP

**bonky:** wait let him finish

**Spidey:** like at the end of season 3 he “dies” and everyone thinks he’s dead and it’s all sad and stuff but then in the trailer for season 4 he’s actually alive and was taken by the russians and is having to work for the russians

**Spidey:** bucky fell off a train and was presumed dead for yEARS but he was actually alive and was taken by the russians and forced to work for them

**Spidey:** cap was presumed dead until he was found but he applies to the hopper thing too because he and joyce had just finished setting up a date before he died and well

**bonky:** holy shit

**Irondad:** why are you thinking about this it’s almost 5am

**birb is online**

**birb:** SPOILERS I HAVENT FINISHED SEASON 3 YET WHAT THE FUCK GUYS

**Spidey:** HOW HAVE YOU NOT FINISHED SEASON 3

**bonky:** HOW DID YOU NOT ALREADY KNOW ANYWAYS

**birb:** I DONT KNOW BUT THAT’S NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART RIGHT NOW

**spider-mom is online**

**Irondad:** holy shit you just woke up nat you’re dead

**Irondad:** i’m out

**Irondad is offline**

**spider-mom:** who says i ever went to sleep

**birb:** why have you not slept do we need to get you more sleeping pills

**spider-mom:** ;)

**birb:** yes we definitely need to get you more sleeping pills

**birb:** you two are like rabbits i swear

**birb:** god it’s disgusting

**Spidey:** MORE sleeping pills

**spider-mom:** clit forced me to get sleeping pills once when i couldn’t fall asleep

**spider-mom:** i never took them lol i just said i did until i eventually passed out from exhaustion and regained a normal sleep schedule again

**birb:** WHAT THE HELL NAT

**birb:** also you might want to check your texts before you send them

**spider-mom:** oh no i did that on purpose

**bonky:** clit

**bonky changed birb’s name to clit**

**clit:** excuse me

**clit is offline**

**Spidey:** he rage quit

**birb2 is offline**

**birb2:** SHUT UP IM TRYING TO SLEEP LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

**birb2:** WHY DOES CLINT GET A NEW NAME BUT MY NAME IS STILL BIRB2

**birb2:** THERE ARE NO OTHER BIRBS WHY AM I STILL 2

**bonky:** because you suck and you will never amount to anything in life

**birb2:** …

**Spidey:** …

**spider-mom:** …

**spider-mom:** o shit

**spider-mom:** steve is reading this over my shoulder and he just whispered “language” in my ear

**not a virgin is online**

**not a virgin:** I did not. Natasha, don’t lie like that.

**spider-mom:** i’m not lying it’s completely true i swear

**Spidey:** ew

**Spidey:** remind me to never get sex advice from steve

**spider-mom:** first of all why would you need sex advice you’re too baby

**bonky:** bc he’s sexually active we’ve been over this natasha keep up

**spider-mom:** stfu

**spider-mom:** second of all it’s sweet nothings he sucks at

**not a virgin:** Hey!

**spider-mom:** heyy ;)

**not a virgin:** That wasn’t what I was trying to say, but hey ;)

**Spidey:** god no

**Spidey is offline**

**bonky is offline**

**birb2 is offline**

**spider-mom:** ;)

**not a virgin:** ;)

**Everyone is offline**

**_7:08 AM_ **

**Thor is online**

**Thor:** Hello, Midgardians!

**Spidey is online**

**Irondad is online**

**clit is online**

**memeqween42069 is online**

**Spidey:** hi thor :)

**Thor:** Man of Spiders, you will be pleased to hear that I am coming to visit today!

**Spidey:** YAYYYYY

**Irondad:** dear god

**clit:** HIDE THE POPTARTS

**memeqween42069:** im still in wakanda :(

**Spidey:** shuri where have you BEEN youve been inactive for like years

**memeqween42069:** i lost my non wakandan technology and had better things to do than find it

**Spidey:** …

**Spidey:** ouch

**memeqween42069 is offline**

**Spidey:** thor did you bring your brother???

**Thor:** I am afraid not :( He is, once again, presumed dead.

**Spidey:** OH MY GOD THATS AWFUL IM SO SORRY

**Thor:** Do not fret, Man of Spiders. This has happened multiple times before. I’m sure he will be back in a couple weeks, and then I can bring him to visit.

**Spidey:** oh thats good

**Irondad:** you are NOT bringing loki

**Irondad:** i refuse to let him meet the kid

**Spidey:** mr stark :(((

**clit:** if loki’s coming then i am ou

**clit is offline**

**Spidey:** hes not coming yet :(

**Irondad:** he’s never coming

**Spidey:** mr stark i wanna meet loki

**Irondad:** nope.

**Spidey:** but mr stark

**Irondad:** nope.

**Irondad is offline**

**Spidey:** :(

**Spidey is offline**

**Thor:** Don’t worry, Man of Spiders. You will meet Loki one day.

**Everyone is offline**


End file.
